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It's not political [05 Nov 2012|09:25am]
 I started to make paper mache balls yesterday as part of the costume for the make-up course I am doing.  I left the glue in a bowl and the ball to dry in my room last night which may have contributed towards the blueness of my lips this morning. 
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[13 Jan 2008|02:28am]
 do things need to be horribly complicated, before they can be beautifully simple... damn it
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2 years later [27 Dec 2007|12:25am]
Twoyears has passed since I wrote in this journal.  It's weird, I feel I have changed alot - yet reading these posts, it doesn't feel so long ago.

I'm so confused right now.  However, given that christmas has given me a break to appreciate the compfort of community, family, and contentment - I am anything but content.  In fact I feel almost scared to be content.  It really does scare me.  I'm in derby now, but I've signed onto 6 projects in london to begin soon - I also don't know if I'm doing my masters in the new year.  I've been researching overload, and feeling quite numb about everything.  It's weird.  I feel like I'm in no mans land, or trapped in a glass balloon, or something.  I don't know.  

Anyway, events wise it's my dads birthday tomorrow.  I think we're doing a small family celebration.  My sister is baking a cake, and I bought him various smelling products.  I'm also going to properly write my business plan, and buy a nice dress I think.  Also, I need to stock up on presents and buy a present for my brother.  It's going to be very busy, very schizophrenic time, but if I can get through this, it will make the next few years way fucking easier.  

I'm excited, but scared.

I feel very irritated, but very excited. 
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[29 Nov 2005|07:48pm]
things that have inspired me today:
world aids day
dutch people
1/2 shot lattes

there are only three things you can express in art.
there are only three things you can express in behaviour.
there are only three things that you can think.
love, fear, contentment.
contemtment, love, fear.
fear, contentment, love.
there is only one thing which decides which one you will chose.
your perspective, your perspective, your perspective.
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10 things i've done which you probably haven't [28 Nov 2005|06:51am]
1.had the police sent out to "look for a missing" girl (me), when i was in the house.
2.had my finger chopped off (resewn back on)
3.had my artwork displayed
4.been on the redcarpet to a film premiere, tripped up on the redcarpet.
5.hacked computers
6.got a job in a call centre when i had a phobia of phones (it cured it)
7.been in a bus crash
8.been on the set of many hollywood films including "charlie and the chocolate factory, alexander,
and closer"
9.moved house 8 times (and i'm only 20 years old)
10.ate sheep's tongue
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i feel so so so so [19 Nov 2005|02:44pm]
i was wondering around town last night due to my incapability of staying inside for more than a couple of
hours. i wondered into a book shop - i wondered eventually to the photography section - and who is there
sitting down. i wanted to speak to her soo badly, but i couldn't. i couldn't say anything.
then eventually someone older came to talk to her, either her older friend - or mother, i
couldnt tell. i am so confused right now. i'm not sure why i feel like this.
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[12 Nov 2005|07:10pm]
hey, i'm customising christmas cards this year.

they are just great.

if anyone wants a christmas card, yes - (meaning random people that stop by) - which contains a christmas card greeting ;) just leave a comment
and e-mail me your address. .....I'm feeling festive this year.
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Good Vs Bad [12 Nov 2005|06:46pm]
Review of new things I've tried this week.

Today's good and bad list.

Good: Gingerbread Starbuck's Latte
Liqorish tree sticks (yes, actual bits of tree)
Madonna's new album - the tracks Hung up and I love New York Especially
Ladytron's new album "witching hour"
"Kickfit" classes - who play music by felix da housecat.
My new boots.
Seeing fair trade everywhere now.
Lude phone calls.
Red nails
Realising that amanda lapore is a transexual ( it doesn't seem so bad now)
Stealing internet from my neighbours.
Being addicted to buying presents.
Not getting drunk this week.
Polish sausages from morrisons 99p.
Seeing Leeds become more like London everyday.

Bad: Starbuck's eggnog late
Missing the director talk at leeds festival
Realising that part of the concepts to my music video, has already been done by some
boring old singer (who will remain unnamed)
Kate Bush's new record "ariel" - arggg, it's not stimulating enough
Tai chi - i suppose i need to read the philosophy to understand it
Buying expensive clothes - EVERYDAY for the past week.
Being ignored by jamie.
Being irritated by a friend, who is turning into a stalker.
Lush - I dunno, it just reminds me of a maternal motherly place - but with glitter on.
Seeing Leeds become more like Lndon everyday.
Having two jobs - but not actually been called up for either of them.
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Halloween is thy time. [29 Oct 2005|12:06am]
I find halloween so creative it becomes more exciting than any other festival. We're throwing a huge amazing party. I haven't updated this journal in a while because I've been floating between projects academically and artistically. My university course is quite logical at the moment - so I have resorted to some serious creative outlets. I am editing film that I took in the middle east - which will be burnt and distributed amongsts the hundreds of relatives over there. I am recording a music video for myself with the help of a guy called jamie who is lending me professional equiptment - I just need two actors to play the leading roles. I am street teaming for the electronic band which I adore, so I guess I'll need to sort out copyrighting issues with them. I'm organising a photographic project based upon the students of leeds - the 7 deadly sins verse, the 7 heavenly virtues. I am also doing life drawing because I find it very theraputic along with yoga. Although my yoga class has around 50 people in each time, while my art class has around 12, which is far more theraputic ambience. I've been doing extra/tv film work for the da vinci code, and I've been asked to be production manager for a short film production in leeds. I'm also bagged myself a job in a cafe, and a very local hotel this week. Which is exciting. Although I do earn alot of money from ebay which I buy and sell electrical goods. So, I've been quite busy recently and I'm trying to remain calm and focussed- otherwise this kaos could turn me into pretentiousness, depression, or unessessary hyper-activity. But I'm learning that if you can organise kaos into something structured, and beautiful - then life without all these events would be as equally forfilling. I guess my aim is then not to gain spirituality for myself, but to share my spirituality with other people. I truly believe that to create and to appreciate art in any form you need to feel safe and content and love, before exploring other emotions.
Well then plan for today is sleep, then tomorrow I'll try and remain fairly sober for the party. Back to leeds on sunday for a fast-breaking dinner party. And monday the education continues.
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There are just 5 senses. [13 Oct 2005|03:34pm]
I'm feeling morbidly sentimental.

If you perform music without love, it’s just sound.
If you watch a movie without love, it’s just an image.
If you touch velvet without love, it’s just a texture.
If you read this without love, it’s just a poem.
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2:39am [11 Oct 2005|02:39am]
i'm dedicating this entry to random notes...........

so i'm back in derby for a few days.

it's my sister's birthday, i bought her perfume - but not the new miss cherie by dior because it
turns out that's just something that I want, not what other people necessarily want.

i live right by the uni this year - which i thought would make me very unfit. turns out i'm right next to the gym as well.
so basically i'm the most fit i've been in a long time.

i've been writing some more philosophical passages which i'll post on here when i have get inspired to do so.

so erm....it's 2:34am ... and at this moment in time i have a strong urge to create my top 6 songs of my life:

In no particular order of importance:

1. Bob Dylan- Lay lady lay.
2. Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit.
3. Nirvana- come as you are.
4. katie melua- 9 million bicycles.
5. Ladytron - Seventeen.

Ladytron is probably my favourite, and for anyone who is paying any attention - miss kitten's stuff is pretty hot too.
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Back from Jordan [09 Sep 2005|09:17pm]
i've just come back from jordan. It was great to see grandma zarifa,
uncle abed, subhay, khuder, gazi, aunty asma, fatima, hajar, sara, amd all their children.

The fresh fruit - figs, dates. The weather. I don't think I'll ever forget how beautiful the dead sea was.

Having a mud bath in the saltiest sea water in the world - at sunset was just amazing.
I designed a piece of silver jewellery in memory of my mother, which my uncle crafted from silver sheets,
and I just know that this piece of jewellery will be irreplaceable.

i met all my cousins in jordan - one in particular called mona is very cute, and an amazing person.
In jordan everyone has a routine - and they have very firm traditions. It was refreshing.

I took 6 hours of video tape out there which I'm in the process of editing. I'll be sending
a copy to different members of my family. I'm using arabic music as backing music - and
I'm completly hooked - Tamer Husney, Twafik... ya salam are all amazing.

Well tomorrow I'm down to London. I managed to get a extras job already! It's for a movie called Da Vinci Code,
based on the book by Dan Brown which I've been meaning to read. I'm supposed to wear "casual" clothes - no whites, and it's a
4:30am start, so we need to leave at around 2am "bites finger".
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To connect [03 Aug 2005|06:02pm]
It costs nothing, but gives much. You are
enriched when both receiving it and offering
it to someone else. It takes only a moment,
but its memory can last a lifetime.

None is so rich or mighty that
he can get along without it,
and none is so poor that he
cannot be made richer by it.

It brings happiness to the home,
promotes good will in business
and is the cornerstone of friendship.

It perks up the weary, brings cheer
to the discouraged, sunshine to the
sad and is nature's best antidote
for trouble.

It is so valuable, and yet it cannot
be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,
for it is worthless until it is given away.

If you see someone without one of their own,
then send them one of yours: for no one needs
a smile so much as he who has none to give.
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Hours in London [19 Jul 2005|09:54am]
It's been a floaty couple of days.
Yesterday was interesting. The day started out
pretty hectic - Saff realised that Nis had
took her mobile phone to France, which meant that her whole life,
and now my life was put on hold- which could have been cool, if we didn't need
to be in LOndon.
We needed to be in London because we're going to a premiere to see the Fantastic four.
Not before a quick shopping spree in Derby, minus a debit card which I lost a couple of weeks ago.
In London, it starts to rain just as we realise the amount of walking we need to do. In four inch heels :D.
We arrive at the premiere and we're allowed on the carpet. How surreal... everyone
is behind the barricades and they are shouting out "jessica Aba" who was walking behind us.
The thing that I want to forget about that paparazzi ordeal is that my shoes failed me and I kind of tripped up.
Other people who we saw coming in were kelly osbourne and Max + Saskia from
big brother.
The movie was pretty good.
We left via the back entrance - with paparrazi still waiting for the Hollywood shots.
It's kind of scary to be amongst celebrity, but not actually be a celebrity. It kind of sickens me,
but it's needed at the same time. It's good when it works.
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[12 Jul 2005|12:59am]
Driving day...trying to recover from the last two late nights. I was even served very strong, and very sweet Arabic coffee from my car by a student we know. It's turned out to be a shit idea, because this coffee makes it impossible to sleep...and I just realised it's gone 1am.....
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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory [11 Jul 2005|12:56pm]
Yesterday was in London. I couldn't help think about the bombing every time we
passed a Red Bus, and we avoided the Underground like the plague. When you
say that you're going to walk everywhere.... the inevitable of gashing you toe happens,
which meant that walking was very difficult. The WW2 parade was on that day. Oblivious to us. William couldn't make it,
so my sister wasn't too hurt that we missed the carriages that pass the crowd.

We were invited to a preview of Charlie and the chocolate factory. It opens in a few weeks in this country. We got some Charlie and the chocolate factory memorabilia. The movie is far from the trailer - which looks very ADD. The movie is amazing, random and funny. Grandpa Joe is my favourite, he's hilarious and his poise is so unique.

We basked in the sun, ate pizza, and had a few drinks... it's what Sundays are all about.

Well, tomorrow I'm off to promote this band called "Jackson United", and the day
after I’m in London again.
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[07 Jul 2005|12:37am]
hey... late night again.
got a place at the leeds festival - i'm amazed that all my favourite artists are playing on the same day.

lemon jelly
the pixies

seriosuly... it's my ultimate dream line-up...and it's all free.
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too small to make a difference, u haven't been in bed with a mosquito [01 Jul 2005|09:35am]
[ mood | curious ]

I went to an Oasis gig yesturday. We were right at the front at manchester stadium. They played old skool wonderwall and their new stuff. Super furry animals played a good set. The lead singer did an artistic stunt by wearing a power rangers helmet for half of the set...which i thought
was weird because the guy is beautiful to look at. Oasis even played teh music video I turned down to be in, which I was gutted about.
The lighting and sound were top quality. It felt like a small gig because I was right at
the front- even thuogh I was one of 70 thousand. Met some cool people, loadsa manchester
people, saw some people from leeds, and a lost scottish guy.
It ended with class with a take away in the backseat of a car on the way home - free pizza ;)

Today I'm promoting voluntry work further, and planning my sister's suprise 14th birthday party.
So I'm hoping she doesn't read this. We're going to have a "Movie Star" theme. We're inviting well
over 200 people, so i'm hoping it goes well.

I Need to write this passage I found... it's very beautiful.

Buddha on Handling Criticism

A man met him on the street one day and began to call him
mean and ugly names.

Buddha listened quietly and thoughtfully until the man ran
out of epithets, and had to pause for breath.

"If you offer something to a man and he refuses it, to whom
does it belong?" asked Buddha.

The spiteful man replied, "It belongs, I suppose, to the one
who offered it."

Then Buddha said, "The abuse and vile names you offer me,
I refuse to accept."

The man turned and walked away."

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Life is a dice [27 Jun 2005|08:19pm]
So I’m spreading the word of volunteering today. So many places in Derby I have never seen. It gives me a good time to look at my city in more detail with a purpose. I’m also writing to inmates….. I’m writing to someone very interesting, who we all know. I’ll update later about that. Tomorrow I’ll be in Derby again. I’m also getting closer to put a website together for our gym we have in Manchester, by someone who I might be able to get a hugeee discount from. This will be a huge favour for my uncle.

I miss people in Leeds, and I half promised to meet someone in Paris in a week (I’m sure I’ll decide in a couple of days)….but I need time to take a mature role… I’m basically being a mother to my 2 younger sister’s and brother amongst all of this…cooking, washing, cleaning, attending school plays, helping with homework etc…. but I’m totally in control of it. I swear if I get a good enough paid job, I will hire a cleaner straight away.

Cleanlines is Godliness….I feel my most creative in an empty room.
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If music be the food of Love... play on [26 Jun 2005|08:37pm]
...the music here is pretty much a summary of my life at the moment.

Felix da housecat - money success fame glamour.
Ladytron- seventeen
Gregory Isaacs - The phrophet rides again.
Bob Marley - Natural Mystic
Dead or Alive - you spin me right round.

I'm really just floating along atm. The part we filmed for charlie and teh chocolatefactory is actually in the trailer at the cinema- which is surreal, as the actual shot was taken very quickly.
Alot of talent has gone into all of it. Dedication. You know, timeless creativity is created from passion. So anything " cheese" , is like a disabled man's love - easily spotted, and best ignored - unless in a special place built to occupy that feeling.
I feel like I know exactly where I am going, what I want to do. The only thing missing from my life is unconditional contentment withsomeone that we can create together everything. Other than that, I'm loving material things right now...clothes, good food, quality furniture, holidays, my expensive sunglasses, spend spend spend......it's so fun for the moment. Climax to the max. Well tomorrow I am going around the community promoting voluntry work - I hope people take in the message, it's worth while.
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